DA Issues New Guidelines

Deathball correspondent Viman Vigga reports. The Deathball Association this afternoon revealed plans to add four new rules to the rulebook, a decision which will make that slim journal three times larger. The resolution was deemed necessary in light of a few recent matches - notably the Treyk-Barzon Incident, and the Fewley-Trenzik Massacre. From now on, use of nuclear, biological or chemical weapons is strictly banned. Any team using them immediately forfeit the match, be banned for a year, and have its manager executed. Also proscribed is the use of military vehicles and hardware - no more napalm strikes, unfortunately. Oh well, it's still a great game.