An Ode to Admiral Tolwyn

I Am the Very Model of a Modern Confed Admiral

An Ode to Admiral Tolwyn

By The Plywood Fiend

I am the very model of a modern Confed Admiral
I've information genocidal, tactical and fallible
I know the Lords of Kilrah and cause Defcoms unimaginable
Through covert ops and bombing runs in numbers quite uncountable.

I'm very well acquainted too with phallic-shaped doomsday machines
If Behemoth had working shields it would have swept the Kat world's clean.
I wanted to laugh manically while marching down the Kilrah road,
Instead I could do nothing except watch my bloody ship explode.

Instead he could do nothing except watch his bloody ship explode.
Instead he could do nothing except watch his bloody ship explode.
Instead he could do nothing except watch his bloody ship exploderode.

The truth is that we won the war thanks only to a twist of fate
But I’ll make sure we are prepared when foul beasties next charge the gate
In short, in matters genocidal, tactical, and fallible
I am the very model of a modern Confed Admiral

In short, in matters genocidal, tactical, and fallible
He is the very model of a modern Confed Admiral.

I'll gather to my banner an army of enhanced ruffians
And arm them with floating disk-shaped uncouth fiery doom-weapons
In order to ensure unending Confederate dominance
I'll order my children to torch the innocent and defenseless

After which I’ll start spinning lies to cover up my nasty schemes
And get my mutant soldiers finding a strong Alpha-male in me.
The Border Worlds shall take the blame for every evil thing I do
I dare say they're a waste of space, I’d quite like to wipe them out too.

He dares say they're a waste of space, he'd quite like to wipe them out too.
He dares say they're a waste of space, he'd quite like to wipe them out too.
He dares say they're a waste of space, he'd quite like to wipe them out too-ooo-ooo

So I shall write a stirring speech and trick congress to vote for war
And charge towards the Border Worlds intending to destroy them all
In short, in matters genocidal, tactical, and fallible
I am the very model of a modern Confed Admiral

In short, in matters genocidal, tactical, and fallible
He is the very model of a modern Confed Admiral

In fact, when I know not what's meant by 'Piranha' and 'Nephilim'
But I can tell at sight, a damaged thruster valve from Paladin
When such concepts as mercy and compassion, I’ve lost interest for,
And when I know in secret what is meant by 'Viking space-warlord'.

When I have learnt what progress has been made with bio-convergence
When I use this knowledge to cull the weak and less-than-pure humans
In short, when I have overthrown this nauseating galaxy...
You'll probably not say much because odds are you'll be dead, you see?

You'll probably not say much because odds are you'll be dead, you see?
You'll probably not say much because odds are you'll be dead, you see?
You'll probably not say much because odds are you'll be dead, you see-eee-eee-eeehee?

For my military knowledge, since I'm evil and your enemy,
Has only been enhanced by the sad thinning of my sanity,
As such, in matters genocidal, tactical, and fallible
I am the very model of a modern Confed Admiral.

As such, in matters genocidal, tactical, and fallible
He is the very model of a modern Confed Admiral.