Hacker Hunger Horror on Hermes

By Jim Polo, our Hermes correspondent. An evil computer genius has brought suffering to millions through his deviant ways. The cunning coder hacked into the source files for all food processing plants and drones, causing the prearation of all foodstuffs to be suspended in favour of the manufacture of outsize custard pies. Chaos has ensued as hungry citizens keep on getting hit in the face by pies when they ask for food at service points. Police are searching for a man with size eighteen feet and a red nose who goes under the pseudonym of 'Bonzo'. Food imports are greatly desired, although prices for dairy based dessert products have dropped considerably.