Jokes

[Ripper]

What did the leper say to the prostitute?



Keep the tip.

 

[Ripper]

Did you hear about the streaker in the church?




They caught him by the organ.

 

[LeHah]

 

[Frosty]

Originally posted by T8H3X11
It would make the plane to heavy.

Not to mention the fact that the shock of impact would probably kill everyone aboard anyway, so there's not much sense it doing it.

 

[Ripper]

OS LeHah, OS!

 

[Ripper]

The Sadist and the Masochist were talking.


The Masochist said "Beat me! Beat me!"



The Sadist said "No."

 

[TopGun]

Q: Why did Captain Kirk go to the Beach?

A: To have a Fist Fight in the Sand

 

[Starkey]

George Bush: Condi! Nice to see you. What's up?
Condoleeza Rice: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
C! ondi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?

 

[LeHah]

That was too long to be that unfunny.

 

[Starkey]

I like it being long, the only thing I dislike about it is the last sentence.

 

[Quarto]

"Last edited by Starkey on 01-31-2003 at 20:56"? Yeah, I don't like that one either .

 

[Ripper]

It was a parody of Abbott and Costello's "Who's on first?"


Probably just didn't have a good way to end it.

 

[Preacher]

Originally posted by Ripper
...Probably just didn't have a good way to end it.

No; HERE'S a bit with no good way to end it:

http://greaseman.c-s-p.com/audio/jasonz/volume_2/11-TheBitWithoutAnEnd.mp3

 

[Preacher]

RE: My previous post below (note the URL of the link I provided):

"Who here's never heard of the Greaseman?....What, nobody?...."

(apologies to Maniac/Tom Wilson )

 

[T8H3X11]

Q: Why did Al Gore want a belly button ring?



A: Because George Bush has a Dick Cheney

 

[Ripper]

The three great cowboy lies:



1. This here truck's paid for.


2. I won this buckle in the rodeo.


3. I was just helpin' that sheep over the fence.

 

[Timmy the Tooth]

Originally posted by LeHah
stocks

n : a wooden instrument on a post with holes for the neck and hands; offenders were locked in and so exposed to public scorn

Source: WordNet ® 1.6, © 1997 Princeton University

They sure do teach a bunch of useless stuff in college

 

[steampunk]

Originally posted by LeHah
It's first melted and then applied to the surface of the pan.

IIRC the other method is to use a slightly rough surface and then put the pan and teflon under pressure.

It should be noted that neither method works very well since 1) you either loose some of the non stick property or 2) the teflon will peel.

And that Timmy, is one of the reasons why we go to college

 

[Frosty]

Originally posted by Ripper
Probably just didn't have a good way to end it.

A good way to end a pop-culture ripoff/parody of an Abbott and Costello routine is to never create it in the first place.

Okay, I gotta joke for you:

What's the difference between a puppy and a human infant?

Give up? You don't have to shave the infant before you bake it.

 

[TC]

I'm pretty sure you don't pluck things with fur... you skin them... or, I guess, shave them if you really want to...