This seems to be some kind of ritual, so...
- Thread starter Mad Hatter
- Start date
Death's Head
Spaceman
You have no idea!
Glad you like the jokes guys.
For anyone wishing to view some more jokes I can type out, email me and I will make a WCCZ group in one of my email accounts to send you guys them. I can also forward some I get from emails if they are good enough.
Have a nice day.
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There's only one thing more accurate than incoming fire-friendly fire
Glad you like the jokes guys.
For anyone wishing to view some more jokes I can type out, email me and I will make a WCCZ group in one of my email accounts to send you guys them. I can also forward some I get from emails if they are good enough.
Have a nice day.
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There's only one thing more accurate than incoming fire-friendly fire
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Hey MAd Hatter,
Welcome aboard. I don't crack jokes but crack nuts (except wingnuts
) instead. Join the fun. Some real kewl people here who even talk about wing commander here
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Founder of the Blacklance HQ
Welcome aboard. I don't crack jokes but crack nuts (except wingnuts
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Founder of the Blacklance HQ
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Death's Head
Spaceman
Here's one that should make you smile:
On July 20, 1969, as commander of the Apollo 11 Lunar Module, Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon. His first words after stepping on the moon, "That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind," were televised to Earth and heard by millions.
But just before he reentered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark: "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky. "Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs. Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "Good luck Mr. Gorsky" statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.
On July 5, 1995, in Tampa Bay, Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.
In 1938 when he was a kid in a small Midwest town, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit a fly ball, which landed in his neighbor's yard by the bedroom windows. His neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky. "Sex! You want sex?! You'll get sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"
True story.
On July 20, 1969, as commander of the Apollo 11 Lunar Module, Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon. His first words after stepping on the moon, "That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind," were televised to Earth and heard by millions.
But just before he reentered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark: "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky. "Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs. Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "Good luck Mr. Gorsky" statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.
On July 5, 1995, in Tampa Bay, Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.
In 1938 when he was a kid in a small Midwest town, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit a fly ball, which landed in his neighbor's yard by the bedroom windows. His neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky. "Sex! You want sex?! You'll get sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"
True story.
Mad Hatter
Spaceman
Hey Death`s Head, I heard that story too about a month ago. A teacher of mind told us that story
Bandit LOAF
Long Live the Confederation!
If you'd bothered to check the Urban Legends FAQ you'd know that this story was *false*...
Read all about it: http://www.urbanlegends.com/afu.faq/listing.cgi
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Long live the Confederation,
Ben "Bandit" Lesnick
( loaf@wcnews.com - 302228)
The Wing Commander CIC
"You go, LOAF! Get some!" -JPG
Bombardez les Ptitard!
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Long live the Confederation,
Ben "Bandit" Lesnick
( loaf@wcnews.com - 302228)
The Wing Commander CIC
"You go, LOAF! Get some!" -JPG
Bombardez les Ptitard!
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Death's Head
Spaceman
It sounds better when you add the true part.
This is something interesting when taken out of context:
[Armstrong, from the 1969 Technical Debrief - "Six to eight inches was about as far as I could get it in."]
[Aldrin, from the 1969 Technical Debrief - "It was fairly easy to get it down the first 4 or 5 inches."]
[Armstrong, from the 1969 Technical Debrief - "It gets hard quickly."]
This is something interesting when taken out of context:
[Armstrong, from the 1969 Technical Debrief - "Six to eight inches was about as far as I could get it in."]
[Aldrin, from the 1969 Technical Debrief - "It was fairly easy to get it down the first 4 or 5 inches."]
[Armstrong, from the 1969 Technical Debrief - "It gets hard quickly."]
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Death's Head
Spaceman
Here's an old one that you may have seen before somewhere, it is not at all uncommon:
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I do not know what it is." While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. Then, they watched as the circles light up in the reverse order. The walls opened up again, and a beautiful, young, attractive, woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your mother".
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I do not know what it is." While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. Then, they watched as the circles light up in the reverse order. The walls opened up again, and a beautiful, young, attractive, woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your mother".
Quarto
Unknown Enemy
[Moderator Mode] Please exercise caution with jokes. You can never be sure who will be offended, so don't just post any old joke. Just a friendly warning
. [/Moderator Mode]
Have you heard that "Weird" Al Yankovich song? I think it was called Amish Paradise... really funny.
Have you heard that "Weird" Al Yankovich song? I think it was called Amish Paradise... really funny.
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Death's Head
Spaceman
Gotcha.
That's why I wanted to know who liked my jokes so I can be more discreet. So far no one has emailed me. If anyone wants more let me know.
That's why I wanted to know who liked my jokes so I can be more discreet. So far no one has emailed me. If anyone wants more let me know.
Bandit LOAF
Long Live the Confederation!
Yeah, good point, we wouldn't want to offend any of the Amish people who visit the CIC...
Wait...
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Long live the Confederation,
Ben "Bandit" Lesnick
( loaf@wcnews.com - 302228)
The Wing Commander CIC
"You go, LOAF! Get some!" -JPG
Bombardez les Ptitard!
Wait...
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Long live the Confederation,
Ben "Bandit" Lesnick
( loaf@wcnews.com - 302228)
The Wing Commander CIC
"You go, LOAF! Get some!" -JPG
Bombardez les Ptitard!
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Mad Hatter
Spaceman
This was actually the funniest joke I have heared up until now on this thread. (no offence Death`s Head
)
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Bandit LOAF
Long Live the Confederation!
Hmmm, those sarcasm immunity pills I put in the water probably weren't the best idea...
------------------
Long live the Confederation,
Ben "Bandit" Lesnick
( loaf@wcnews.com - 302228)
The Wing Commander CIC
"You go, LOAF! Get some!" -JPG
Bombardez les Ptitard!
------------------
Long live the Confederation,
Ben "Bandit" Lesnick
( loaf@wcnews.com - 302228)
The Wing Commander CIC
"You go, LOAF! Get some!" -JPG
Bombardez les Ptitard!
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Quarto
Unknown Enemy
LOAF:
. I know... I didn't mean the Amish joke, but rather was just warning them. For example, I might get slightly annoyed if somebody comes up with a "Polish" joke
.
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The WC Source Code Release Project needs you!
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The WC Source Code Release Project needs you!
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Death's Head
Spaceman
A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan Bank, and says she wants to open a savings account. The accounts person asks her how much she would like to deposit to open the account and the little old lady says, "Three million dollars."
The accounts person is startled, and says, "In what form?" and the little old lady says, "Cash. I've got it here in this bag..." and the accounts person looks and, sure enough, the lady has a big grocery bag
just chock full of green stuff with big denominations.
This is a highly unusual event, and the accounts person excuses herself to get the president of the bank to handle this one. He arrives, and escorts the little old lady to his office to handle it personally.
Once in his office, he asks the little old lady where she got so much money.
She says, "Gambling."
"Gambling?", he says. "What sort of gambling?"
"Oh, I make bets with people on all sorts of things, and I usually win. For example, I've got $100,000 right here that says that by noon tomorrow your balls will be square, and I'll even give you 4:1 odds. You got $25,000 you'd be willing to wager on that?"
The bank president is shocked at this sort of thing coming from a sweet little old lady, but he didn't get to be the president of the Chase Manhattan Bank without knowing something about money. "I suppose I could come up with enough to cover that sort of wager, but I wouldn't feel right taking it from you...there's no way you can win a bet like that!"
The little old lady just shook the bag, and said, "I know what I'm doing...and I can afford to lose, though I'm not going to. Is it a bet?"
"Ok, have it your way", said the president, and they shook hands on it.
"See you at 11:55 tomorrow morning", said the little old lady, and with that she left.
Next morning at 11:55 the little old lady arrives with a younger man in a three-piece suit, and is escorted to the bank president's office. The president is a nervous wreck, though a happy one. He had gotten almost no sleep the night before, waking every few minutes to feel his balls to
check for impending squareness, but nothing happened all night. He had checked hundreds of times that morning, but still nothing; perfectly normal. When the little old lady arrived he started to relax, knowing he had won.
"Come in, please have a seat! Who might this gentleman be?" said the president.
"He's my lawyer. For a bet of this size I want to have a witness. Any objections?"
"No, perfectly understandable", said the president. "Well, it's now noon, and I'm still unchanged, so I guess I win!" he said happily.
"Not so fast!" said the little old lady. "For a hundred grand I want to verify things personally! Please drop your pants."
The bank president is a bit flustered, but agrees that in her position he'd want proof as well, so he drops his pants. The little old lady goes over to him and reaches out to feel the organs in question. "Ok, you win, here's your $100,000," says the little old lady, handing over a bag of bills. As she does so, her lawyer starts banging his head against the wall and moaning.
"What's wrong with him?" asks the bank president.
"Oh, he's just upset. Poor loser if you ask me. You see, I had a bet for $1,000,000 with him that I would have the President of the Chase Manhattan Bank by the balls by noon today."
[This message has been edited by Death's Head (edited February 29, 2000).]
The accounts person is startled, and says, "In what form?" and the little old lady says, "Cash. I've got it here in this bag..." and the accounts person looks and, sure enough, the lady has a big grocery bag
just chock full of green stuff with big denominations.
This is a highly unusual event, and the accounts person excuses herself to get the president of the bank to handle this one. He arrives, and escorts the little old lady to his office to handle it personally.
Once in his office, he asks the little old lady where she got so much money.
She says, "Gambling."
"Gambling?", he says. "What sort of gambling?"
"Oh, I make bets with people on all sorts of things, and I usually win. For example, I've got $100,000 right here that says that by noon tomorrow your balls will be square, and I'll even give you 4:1 odds. You got $25,000 you'd be willing to wager on that?"
The bank president is shocked at this sort of thing coming from a sweet little old lady, but he didn't get to be the president of the Chase Manhattan Bank without knowing something about money. "I suppose I could come up with enough to cover that sort of wager, but I wouldn't feel right taking it from you...there's no way you can win a bet like that!"
The little old lady just shook the bag, and said, "I know what I'm doing...and I can afford to lose, though I'm not going to. Is it a bet?"
"Ok, have it your way", said the president, and they shook hands on it.
"See you at 11:55 tomorrow morning", said the little old lady, and with that she left.
Next morning at 11:55 the little old lady arrives with a younger man in a three-piece suit, and is escorted to the bank president's office. The president is a nervous wreck, though a happy one. He had gotten almost no sleep the night before, waking every few minutes to feel his balls to
check for impending squareness, but nothing happened all night. He had checked hundreds of times that morning, but still nothing; perfectly normal. When the little old lady arrived he started to relax, knowing he had won.
"Come in, please have a seat! Who might this gentleman be?" said the president.
"He's my lawyer. For a bet of this size I want to have a witness. Any objections?"
"No, perfectly understandable", said the president. "Well, it's now noon, and I'm still unchanged, so I guess I win!" he said happily.
"Not so fast!" said the little old lady. "For a hundred grand I want to verify things personally! Please drop your pants."
The bank president is a bit flustered, but agrees that in her position he'd want proof as well, so he drops his pants. The little old lady goes over to him and reaches out to feel the organs in question. "Ok, you win, here's your $100,000," says the little old lady, handing over a bag of bills. As she does so, her lawyer starts banging his head against the wall and moaning.
"What's wrong with him?" asks the bank president.
"Oh, he's just upset. Poor loser if you ask me. You see, I had a bet for $1,000,000 with him that I would have the President of the Chase Manhattan Bank by the balls by noon today."
[This message has been edited by Death's Head (edited February 29, 2000).]