New Lance Boils Share on Bluesky Share on Facebook Share on Twitter

CountvonSchnaps is back with even more thrilling takes on classic Wing Commander ships! This time they've updated the A-14 Raptor from Wing Commander I and the F-107 Lance (aka Dragon) from Wing Commander IV in their distinctive, wonderful style. Check 'em out!

Wing Commander I - A14 Raptor (DeviantArt)

As a request made for Shoguneagle depicting a lesser known Wing Commander fighter the A14 Raptor heavy fighter.

Armed with 2x Neutron Cannons, 2x Mass Driver guns and up to 6 hardpoints the Raptor was the mainstay for Confederation Space Forces during the early to middle part of the Terran-Kilrathi War.

After the war many of the fighters were sold to Landreich and even to the civilian market.

A fun design, which I rarely have seen so tried to stay close to the main layout and feel of the designs but making it a bit more in line of previous designs.

Wing Commander IV: F107 Lance (DeviantArt)

Another Wing Commander design made for Shoguneagle showcasing the Lance.

The F107 Lance, also known as Dragon, was employed by the shadowy black ops organization Black Lance in WIng Commander IV The Price of Freedom.

Sporting jump capabilities and a cloaking device the fighter was capable to both engage fighters and capital ships thanks to a weapon called the flash pack. A mine like device tat would attach to the enemy vessel's hull and would ignite the breathable atmosphere inside the targeted vessel.
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Wing Commander Returns to 50% Discount, Academy Added to Preservation Program Share on Bluesky Share on Facebook Share on Twitter

It's already been a big month for sales, and Wing Commander discounts are back with GOG's Black Friday Sale. The WC series is once again a familiar 50% off to help ring in the holiday season. Make your gift-buying experience easier with Wing Commander for everyone! Additionally, Wing Commander Academy is the latest addition to GOG's preservation program of classic games. Here's the update:
What improvements we made to this game:

1.01 GOG v2 changelog (25 November 2025)

  • Optimized the DOSBox configuration for better performance.
  • Enabled Cloud Saves support.
  • Fixed a crash that occurred when starting a non-gauntlet game.
  • Stability validated.
  • Fully compatible with Windows 10 and 11.

Wing Commander Movie Night: Westworld Share on Bluesky Share on Facebook Share on Twitter

The Wing Commander movie club reports that Zulu was a pretty interesting movie. It seemed like a fair treatment of history that most of us weren't particularly familiar with and it was certainly a lush production. More Lawrence of Arabia than Dam Busters, in our final analysis! For this week's movie we asked members to pick from a list of possible robots and they unexpectedly chose Yul Brynner. Which means that this week's movie is Michael Crichton's Westworld (1973), a famous science fiction scenario that also served as a kind of prototype for Jurassic Park. You can join us this Friday via Discord to watch along.

We're watching Westworld over a bit of a technicality! As we've mentioned before, the Wing Commander Universe map included in Wing Commander Prophecy filled out the Enigma Sector of space with star systems named after formative science fiction & fantasy writers. There are also a couple of systems named after film directors (Lucas and Spielberg in Enigma). But Michael Crichton is a case where he's both! He directed several films, including Westworld very succesfully, but he's best known today as the writer of thrillers like Congo and Jurassic Park. So we picked Westworld as the biggest film he'd directed, the same rule we're following for the others. With that in mind, we thought we'd kick off the week by generating a sort of 'reading list'. We've identified as many of the authors on the map as possible and tried to pick their most famous or important book in the list below.

Asimov Quadrant

  • Asimov - Isaac Asimov - Foundation (1951)
  • Blish - James Blish - A Case of Conscience (1958)
  • Brin - David Brin - Startide Rising (1983)
  • Card - Orson Scott Card - Ender's Game (1985)
  • Clarke - Arthur C. Clarke - Childhood's End (1953)
  • Crichton - Michael Crichton - Jurassic Park (1990)
  • Ellison - Harlan Ellison - I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream (1967)
  • Foster - Alan Dean Foster - Spellsinger (1983)
  • Gibson - William Gibson - Neuromancer (1984)
  • Piper - Henry Beam Piper - Space Viking (1963)
  • Pohl - Frederik Pohl - The Space Merchants (1953)
  • Pournelle - Jerry Pournelle - A Spaceship for the King (1973)
  • Robinson - Spider Robinson - Stardance (1979)
  • Sterling - Bruce Sterling - Schismatrix (1985)
  • Vonnegut - Kurt Vonnegut - Slaughterhouse-Five (1969)

Isaac Quadrant

  • Bradbury - Ray Bradbury - Martian Chronicles, The (1950)
  • Harrison - Harry Harrison - The Stainless Steel Rat (1961)
  • Niven - Larry Niven - Ringworld (1970)
  • Zelanzny - Roger Zelazny - Lord of Light (1967)

Roddenberry Quadrant

  • Roddenberry - Gene Roddenberry - Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979)
  • Adams - Douglas Adams - Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, The (1979)
  • Blake - William Blake - Songs of Innocence and of Experience (1789)
  • Drake - David Drake - Hammer's Slammers (1979)
  • Gerrold - David Gerrold - A Matter for Men (1983)
  • Haldeman - Joe Haldeman - Forever War, The (1974)
  • Heinlein - Robert Heinlein - Starship Troopers (1959)
  • Herbert - Frank Herbert - Dune (1965)
  • Lucas - George Lucas - Star Wars (1976)
  • McCaffrey - Anne McCaffrey - Dragonflight (1968)
  • Spielberg - Steven Spielberg - Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977)
  • Steakley - John Steakley - Armor (1984)
  • Stirling - S.M. Stirling - Marching Through Georgia (1988)

We'd love to hear any other suggestions if you have a signature story you think would make more sense! You can also find my full notes on the Enigma Sector names collected in a spreadsheet which includes all the systems that aren't named after authors and those where we haven't identified a reference at all: Arraman, Exile, Kalvan, Langston, Racene, Salayna and Wetland. It also lists the systems mentioned in Wing Commander II that aren't present on the Prophecy map, Fiddler's Green, Midian, Niffleheim, Sharm and Talbot. In an incredible coincidence, the sixth and final system mentioned in dialogue on Wing Commander II, Piper, accidentally appeared in the right place on the map in honor of H. Beam Piper!

Where can I find a copy of the movie for the watch party?

Westworld is available for rent or purchase on the standard streaming services. If you would like a physical copy, the movie was released on Blu-ray in 2016 and remains in print around the world. If you are not able to locate a copy please stop by the Discord and ping a CIC staff member before Friday's showing.

How do we watch the movie together?

It's pretty low tech! Simply join the Wing Commander CIC Discord on Friday and we will be chatting (in text) along with the film in the main channel. Everyone who wants to join in should bring their own copy and we will count down to play them together at 10 PM EST. Everyone is welcome and we encourage you to join in the conversation; sharing your thoughts helps make the experience better for everyone!

How can I help pick future movie club movies?

The movie club movies are voted on each week by the Wing Commander Discord. The poll is typically posted 24 hours before each week's screening and the next movie is announced at the end. The choices for the poll come from a master pool of Wing Commander-related movies. If you would like to suggest a film for inclusion in that pool you can post it to this thread.

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Wings of Wing Commander Share on Bluesky Share on Facebook Share on Twitter

We thought it would be fun to catalog where uniform wings appear in the Wing Commander games. In the real military, wings, which are formally called aircrew badges, are not awarded only to pilots. Instead, they are worn by many different positions that operate aircraft. Astronaut wings are awarded to anyone that has flown in space. United States Army and United States Air Force aircrew badges are silver while the Navy equivalent is famously gold. In Wing Commander it's not totally clear… as we'll see below! In the original Wing Commander, pilots have wings on their service uniforms above the ribbons. The wings are silver and seem to feature a heart. Only active pilots are seen wearing them although Colonel Halcyon wears a similar pair of wings on his cap.

Wing Commander II is not 100% clear. The dress uniforms worn by Blair and Jazz have wings in the same place as the original game's service uniforms but the pilots' service uniforms seem to have pairs of wings on their collars. Admiral Tolwyn's uniform replaces these wings with stars, seemingly indicating his flag rank. All of these insignia are gold.

Privateer returns wings to the original position. Both Sandra Goodin and Admiral Terrell wear them. Both pairs are gold.

Wing Commander III introduces a totally distinct design for the wing insignia. Behind the screens documentation confirms that the gold-and-silver symbol worn on the left pockets of duty and dress uniforms in the game is intended to be the wings. Every main character wears them at some point, including Tolwyn, Eisen, Rollins and (at the funerals) Rachel. Wing Commander IV continues this trend, giving every character who wears a Confederation or Border Worlds the wings (including marine Decker).

Wing Commander Prophecy uses these same wings but is much more selective, giving them only to active pilots and Decker. A variety of characters that seemingly would wear them in WC3 and 4 do not including Finley, Anderson, CAG Drake and Captain Wilford (Rachel never wears a service uniform).

Wings make sporadic appearances in other Wing Commander material. The CTCG uses the Wing Commander III novel but apparently didn't have a great reference image to work for; many of the paintings give them unusual colored details.

Wing Commander Academy doesn't have wings worn day-to-day but the object of the series is to win the 'gold wings of the Cadet Wing Commander' which Blair is offered in the finale:

They're mentioned throughout the novels, including a scene in Action Stations where Tolwyn describes the pre-war process of earning wings. Voices of War, the Armada manual, mentions wings twice in odd ways. "Platinum plated wings" are said to be a prize for a flight simulator tournament and one of the character mentions the "brass wings Shotglass gave me after K'Tithrak Mang."

Finally, the movie has wings which appear on both the nametags and dogtags for any of the pilot characters, which are worn with both the service uniforms and the flightsuits. Angel's wings are gold rather than black, indicating her status as Wing Commander. Non-pilots do not have wings, including the bridge crew, the Pegasus crew and the background extras. There's also a line about wings, where the Deckmaster threatens to have Maniac's wings after his landing stunt.

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Now Play Prophecy Advance on Your Wrist! Share on Bluesky Share on Facebook Share on Twitter

Last year we reported that Apple's new app store rules had finally opened up an entire world of emulation to iPhones and iPads, including access to great classics like Wing Commander/SM1 on the SNES and Prophecy on the Game Boy Advance. Programs like the Delta emulator have only gotten better, and new apps like ArcEmu have arrived on the scene. One particular noteworthy feature of the ArcEmu is that it has an Apple Watch interface! This means you can now play your favorite Game Boy games on your wrist. I wouldn't necessarily say this is the best way to play, but in my testing here, it's surprising decent and very impressive that they managed to fit the controls into the tiny screen. There's an easy video tutorial below on how to get it started, or you can find more info here. The program is $2, but that's well worth it for the novelty alone.

Reminder: #Wingnut Movie Night Tonight! Share on Bluesky Share on Facebook Share on Twitter

This is a reminder that we have another fun #Wingnut movie night planned on Discord this evening! The ongoing theme will be movies that are referenced by Wing Commander in some way. Tonight's film is Zulu (1964) and you can find details on why we're watching it in the announcement post here. The movie will start at 7 PM PST/10 PM EST but feel free to drop by and hang any time!

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After Action Report: Contact Share on Bluesky Share on Facebook Share on Twitter

Everyone in the Wing Commander movie club agrees: Contact is a great film! It was especially nice to introduce it to one of our younger members so we could make sure it wasn't just our increasingly-old-man memories playing tricks on us. But it turns out it still has a message that resonates today… and we were more than a little sad seeing such a well done representation of a world that at least considers investing in science.

Contact is one of several movies that was used to 'temp track' developing cuts of the 1999 Wing Commander movie. We covered the track itself in the intro post so I thought it would be fun to run through one of Wing Commander's famous 'first contact' scenarios. No, not the Kilrathi; we've already covered the "Iason incident" pretty extensively. No, I'm talking about the Double Helix, a race often discussed but never actually seen. The original Claw Marks' Comm Relay section includes this article (by the late, great Aaron Allston) intended to give flavor for the newly created universe:

News From Earth (Sol III)

(New York, North American States, Terran News Services) - On 2654.080, representatives of the Committee for Interaction with Alien Intelligences announced contact with a new alien race. CIAI spokesman Iola Jonson made the following statement: "The CIAI regularly launches unmanned probes to uncharted jumpspheres; these probes contain our most sophisticated translation and interpretation equipment. Eight days ago, Probe Number H227 reappeared in a Terran jump-point carrying data and artifacts from a species we are currently referring to as the Double Helix.

From the information we have so far been able to interpret from H227's records, the Double Helix are a sentient race possessing space travel, and we are not ruling out the possibility they possess FTL drive technology. Physically, they appear to be carbon-based arthropods which communicate through scents and pheromones. Their name is derived from the double-helix shape of their spacecraft."

World Science Federation officials believe this to be the most significant contact with an alien species since the discovery of the Kilrathi, and hope that contact will remain friendly.

Note that the 1994 update to Claw Marks used in Super Wing Commander and Wing Commander for the SegaCD changes 'arthropod' to 'anthropoid' leaving much question as to whether the Double Helix are big lobsters or big monkeys. Maybe a little of both!

We don't hear much about the Double Helix again until the penultimate main series game, Wing Commander Prophecy. The ICIS manual's Nonhuman Historical Analysis article mentions them in such a way that it seems the Confederation of 2681 (27 years after their discovery in Claw Marks) now knows a fair amount about the Double Helix.

Likewise a superficial examination of Firekkan history shows contact with nothing similar, nor does the Double-Helix civilization (unsurprising, since the Double-Helix has very little concept of history in the human sense).

So how did we go from a probe with artifacts to understanding that the Double Helix don't have a concept of history? The Secret Ops fiction answers that question… and the story is a bit darker than Contact! Episode 3 features an e-mail thread called POSSIBLE SITUATION between Zero, Casey and Spyder where Zero brings up the Double Helix:

WITH THE KILRATHI WE HAD KNOWN MECHANICAL SYSTEMS THAT FUNCTIONED PRETTY MUCH LIKE OUR OWN, BUT THIS IS LIKE TRYING TO ANALYZE DOUBLE-HELIX INFO-STREAMS WITHOUT THE CORRECT HARMONIC FILTERS. THESE SHIPS ARE ORGANIC IN NATURE, HOW THEY FUNCION, OR WHAT THEIR STRUCTURAL MAKEUP IS IN ANY GIVEN STATE IS STILL UP FOR SPECULATION.

Spyder replies with the full story of how the scientist that attempted the contact ended up frying their brain:

THE DOUBLE-HELIX EXAMPLE IS A VALID ONE. WHEN DR. JUSTIN…WHAT WAS HIS NAME, KLIEN, KLING…ANYWAY…WHEN HE FIRST ATTEMPTED DIRECT COMMUNICATION THROUGH MODIFIED HOLO-LINK TRANSMISSIONS AND ENDED UP HAVING HIS CEREBELLUM FRIED BY A KEYED STREAM OF (LATER TERMED)FRENELI-COMPLEX HARMONIC SAMPLES, I'M SURE HE THOUGHT HE WAS PREPARED FOR ANYTHING. WHAT THE DOUBLE-HELIX ONLY INTENDED AS A WARM HELLO TURNED OUT TO BE A DIGITAL ICEPICK TO THE BRAIN.

It's not clear why everyone is screaming at each other, but all these little mentions together does show us the full story of the Double Helix, from the discovery of their spacecraft with a probe to the tragic first contact to the Confederation learning about how their society works! One final point of trivia, the Double Helix ALMOST appeared… in Warren Spector's original plan for what became System Shock (then called Alien Commander) the Double Helix played the villain… so in a real way, they're the direct ancestors of SHODAN!

Sully says that if your couch doesn't have at least two black cats on it then that's an awful waste of space.

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Behind the Music: Hard?Cor! Share on Bluesky Share on Facebook Share on Twitter

Hard? Cor! Is a techno dance commune which performed a Tribal Rainforest Chip-Shop Alkali Soul set which incorporates local cultures. It was fronted by singer Wok-Eyes, who is known for his laid back, disinterested personality. The band has been described as "techno wizards" and "calcium-challenged bleep gods" and their music as "electic." They became popular with young people around 2790; fans called themselves the "Universe crew". They signed a three-album deal with Zak Skintight's Startled Productions that year. Wok-eyes commented "yeah, it's alright I suppose. Zak's a nice bloke, and we'll get to go to some really good parties. Can I go now?"

Also in 2790, Hard? Cor! hosted a series of three-day "be ins" on planets around the Tri-System including Janus IV which offered music, dancing, ethnic education and spiritual exploration. These were very popular among Hard? Cor!'s young audience but they were not well regarded by authorities. The be in events prompted an increase in illegal warp steroid sales wherever they were held, bringing unwanted dealers along with their audiences. This prompted increased police patrols.

At a performance on Bex, the group incorporated indigenous shamen in their dance routine and asked them to "do somethink a bit funky, knowwhatimeanlike?". In response, the shamen performed the Heap Big Thunder Rain Dance, which led to heavy rain and a surplus of fresh water. The government of Bex banned them from ever performing their set on the planet again. In response to the chaos associated with these events, the Intergalactic Congress passed new system legislation which allowed the CIS to fire on anyone that enters a 1500km exclusion zone around Hard? Core!'s venues. This was first put into place at a be in at an event scheduled to take place on the asteroid Bellerophon.

--

Hard? Cor! Is the second major Privateer 2 music group. Like Zak Skintight and the Buttock Men, their story is provided in a series of randomized news entries which any player might not even see in a usual playthrough. The idea is that they are a bit of a new age hippie techno group which causes chaos by attracting drug dealers to their Woodstock-style "be ins". Their lead singer, Wok-Eyes, is presented with a bit of a Morissey-style disaffected personality. Their story also intersects with Zak, as it's his Startled Productions that gives them a three-album deal.

New Hard? Cor! dates announced sets a Hard? Cor! event at a randomly chosen planet while Techno Prisoners! tells of one on Janus IV. Both of these trigger a 35% increase in warp steroid prices at the venue.

New Hard? Cor! dates announced
$CLIENT writes
Dance commune Hard? Cor! have revealed the plans for their next three-day 'be-in'. Set to take place on $LOCATION, it seems that we can expect the usual mix of right-on sounds, ethnic education and spiritual exploration. Police are worried that the event will attract Warp Steriod dealers, and are going to establish patrols around the planet.

Techno Prisoners!
Dave Cool is on the scene
Respect to Hard? Cor!, techno wizards extraordinaire, for organising this king-size love fest on the planet of Janus IV. The scene is kickin' up here, with all the beautiful people in attendance, going for it like never before. Frontman Wok-eyes is banging it out on the mic, raising a real special feeling here. We're vibed, man, and its only getting better; this one's special, so if you're in the area, get on down and get them dancing trousers working. There's Warp Steroids for sale all over the shop, but the way this one's shaping up, we're gonna need more and how! Peace and love, Universe crew.

Hard?Cor! sign for Startled announces that they've partnered with Zak Skintight:

Hard?Cor! sign for Startled
Music hack Terry Young reports
Titans of techno Hard?Cor! signed up for the big-time yesterday, when they clinched a three-album deal with Startled Productions, the label owned by music legend Zak Skintight. Frontman Wok-eyes seemed unperturbed by the news, saying 'Yeah, it's alright I suppose. Zak's a nice bloke, and we'll get to go to some really good parties. Can I go now?'

Rave off! tells the story of their disastrous Bex concept. It signifies a 40% decrease in fresh water on the planet.

Rave off!
Brian Turnell champion of truth, speaks out.
Intergalactic dance fiends Hard? Cor! were yesterday banned from performing their eclectic Tribal Rainforest Chip-Shop Alkali Soul set on the planet of Bex ever again. The reason? It seems the calcium-challenged bleep gods had incorporated a number of indigenous shamen in their dance routine, telling them to 'do somethink a bit funky, knowwhatimeanlike?'. The tribal holy men thus performed the pride of their repertoire, the Heap Big Thunder Rain Dance. It has yet to stop raining on Bex, and Fresh Water is in abundance. We asked Hard? Cor! frontman Wok-eyes for comment, but his jaw was clenched too tightly to speak properly.

Finally, the very last CIS Bulletin (and overall news story) in the game announces that the CIS is now going to shoot to kill at Hard? Cor! concerts.

CIS Bulletin
This is a warning to any individuals intending to attend an illegal gathering being promoted by a popular youth music act known as 'Hard?Cor!'. Under new system legislation, the CIS are authorised to fire upon those who attempt to enter the 1500km exclusion zone which has been established around the asteroid Bellerophon, the designated venue for the event. You have been warned.
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PC Games Draws a Bisley Scene Share on Bluesky Share on Facebook Share on Twitter

In late 1994, PC Games magazine commissioned famed UK comic artist Simon Bisley to create six covers for their magazine. The February 1995 issue featured Wing Commander III in honor of the magazine's review of the game. We've taken a look at the issue itself to get a closer look!

Wing Commander III is the cover story and the artwork is reprinted several times…

... including in a nice clear full page just before the review itself! Neat.

The 'team talk' section also has the magazine's crew praising Wing Commander III. And the issue included a cover disc that had both the Wing Commander III demo and a copy of the Behind the Screens program!

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Behind the Music: Zak Skintight and the Buttock Men Share on Bluesky Share on Facebook Share on Twitter

Zakariah Skintight has been called the galaxy's most famous musician and one of the most remarkable success stories of the 28th century. He performs as lead singer and Nuclear Banjo player with his band, The Buttock Men. He is known for his laid back attitude, typically commenting only that "it's a bit of a larf, innit" when his antics cause a disaster. He was born Zakariah Frump on Janus IV in 2740 or 2761, the son of a Bex farmer. He was poorly educated and had a SIQ of 90; nevertheless, he took to rock music naturally. He moved to Anhur in 2778 and by 2782 had become famous on the planet for his outrageous exploits and musical ability.

By 2790, he owned a mansion on Hermes. Skintight owns Startled Productions which publishes his music and in 2790 signed a three-album deal with Hard? Cor!. In 2790, the studio released the band's long-waited album No Butts. It included hit songs Show me your scars, Kiss the ring, Ain't got no nostrils, Baby and I'll give you a million (if you touch me there again). Another smash hit was Jump (and I'll show you my Y-fronts), during performances of which Skintight would reveal his studded leather underwear. Skintight also held the Spittle Crown in the All-System Dribbling Competition until 2787. He returned to the competition on Crius in 2790 after three years of touring and again took the title despite the event attracting the largest number of competitors in its history. Around 2788, the band began a heavy tour schedule. In 2790 they performed their Rock Icon tour on planets around the Tri-System. A trajedy occured during a concert on Hermes when the A, B and E stands at Cephalalgia stadium collapsed after concertgoers started bouncing along to Jump (and I'll show you my Y-fronts)!. Disaster also struck the final tour performance at Tinnitus Stadium on Bex when 350,000 fans attempted to attend the show despite the venue only ticketing 120,000. An armed conflict broke out between ticket holders and those that missed out, ultimately lasting two weeks and prompting increased weapons sales on the planet. Skintight and his band are known for their excesses, with a notorious fondness for Talcum Powder, Bex Beer, Bexian Brandy and Pleasure Borgs. This has prompted police to increase teir presence at his performances. He has been charged with over 103 counts of Possession, Criminal Damage and Public Disorder.

The band was particularly known for their lavish and excessive parties. In 2790, the band held a "50th birthday" party for Skintight at his mansion on Hermes which attracted 75,000 people and increased local sales of Bex Beer, Warp Steroids and Sunflowers. Skintight gave an impromptu performance while drinking a gallon jug of beer through a straw in his nose. The event lasted over two months was later called "the biggest party of all time." He also held a 'Piss-up in a Brewery' party at the Braufƒhrer ale plant on Karatikus, whicih was named after a comment from an unhappy groupie. During the party, which was generally well regarded, he attempted to give a 200kph tour of the factory in his new Thashmobile 5000. The car crashed into the brewery's main storage tank and flooded the entire plant. Skintight was badly injured on Janus IV after getting high on Sunflowers and falling into the pen of the Hadeian Devil Yak at the Janus IV Zoo. Eight of the yaks attacked him for twenty minutes before he could escape, giving him blood poisoning from their bristles. Hundreds of fans attempting to rescue him were also poisoned, prompting authorities to put out a call for additional stocks of blood. Skintight survived and later said of the accident that "it wasn't much of a larf, mate."

--

Zak Skintight is a fascinating and almost hidden story in Privateer 2. His story is told through ten of the news updates that appear randomly each time you land your ship. They tell of a superstar rock and roll-style musician who lives to excess but is (almost) always unperturbed by the disasters that his various stunts take. Zak is first introduced in the character database in the booth; he's the only unlocked entry that doesn't seem to connect directly to something going on in Lev's story. Almost all of Zak's updates are actually game-related: the various disasters he causes change the price of commodities at the planets mentioned.

Skintight, Zakariah
29
Janus IV
Rock Musician
Ne Zakariah Frump, he is probably the galaxy's most famous musician, and still upheld as a youth icon despite his humble upbringing. The son of a Bex farmer, he left for Anhur at the age of 17, and within 4 years had already achieved planet-wide fame for his outrageous exploits and musical ability. Poorly educated and with an SIQ of only 90 [sub-average], he is nevertheless one of the century's most remarkable success stories.
Criminal Record: Over 103 counts of Possession, Criminal Damage and Public Disorder.

Behind the scenes: Privateer 2 programmer Paul Hughes kindly reported that the photograph used for Zak's booth entry is actually Paul Chapman, the designer of the game's spectacular UI and its original European packaging, who played bass in a band when he was in college. He's the person in the left front row of the team photo.

Zak's first appearance is in Zak arrives on [planet] which will choose a random planet for a concert with the Buttock Men. It prompts a 20% increase in the price of warp steroids, Bex Beer and pleasure borgs on the planet in question.

Zak arrives on $LOCATION
Music reporter $CLIENT writes
Well, Zak Skintight and his band, the legendary Buttock Men, have just arrived on $LOCATION to play their latest gig. The excitement on the planet is palpable, with everyone thrilled to bits at the prospect of seeing the system's most famous musicians. There is a significant police presence, however, due to Zak and his retinue's notorious taste for Talcum Powder, Bex Beer and Pleasure Borgs.

In Zak says...'No Butts' we get an advertisement for his latest album and confirmation that yes it is all butt themed. This one doesn't impact the game world.

Zak says...'No Butts'
NEW from Zak Skintight and the Buttock Men, their long-awaited album, 'No Butts'.
Featuring smash hits like:
Show me your scars
Kiss the ring
Ain't got no nostrils, baby
I'll give you a million (if you touch me there again)
Out NOW from Startled Productions, only 49 creds

The Buttocks' Biggest Bash! tells the story of Zak's crazy 50th birthday party. That's a bit of a contradiction with the initial bio, though, which says he's only 29! It marks a giant 75% increase in the price of warp steroids, sunflowers and Bex beer on Hermes.

The Buttocks' Biggest Bash!
Randy Yelp, socialite scribbler, writes
Well, I'm here at rock legends The Buttock Men's biggest party of all time, being held to celebrate lead singer Zak Skintight's 50th birthday. There's at least 75,000 people here in Zak's palatial mansion on Hermes, each choking down as much Bex Beer and Warp Steroids as they can get their hands on. As I write Zak is performing an impromptu number on the Nuclear Banjo while drinking a gallon jug of Beer through a straw up his nose. The question is, how long can it last? The party's been going for two months already, and guests are clamouring out for more entertainment. What do you think, Zak? 'It's a bit of a larf, innit'.

He causes further problems on Hermes in Zak brings the house down! by accidentally destroying part of a stadium during a show. This causes a 25% increase in the price of all industrial goods on the planet.

Zak brings the house down!
Starsky Blackstone mixes with the stars
Work started today on the reconstruction of the Cephalalgia stadium on Hermes, which partially collapsed while playing host to Rock hyperstar Zak Skintight and his band, The Buttock Men. Trouble started when the band ripped into their smash hit 'Jump (and I'll show you my Y-fronts)!'. The crowd promptly started bouncing around like loons, desperate for the sight of Zak's studded leather underwear, when A, B and E stands suddenly collapsed, crushing around 250 fans to death. Contractors have offered excellent prices for Industrial materials necessary for repairs. We asked Zak for his comment, to which he replied 'It's a bit of a larf, innit'.

Now that's what I call Death Metal is another disasterous concert story that ends in an active conflict between ticket-holders and fans who couldn't get in. It causes a 20% increase in Firearms on Bex.

Now that's what I call Death Metal
says our music correspondent, Jose Qire
Scenes of chaos abound at the Tinnitus Stadium, host to the last performance of The Buttock Men's Rock Icon tour of Bex. Over 350,000 eager fans descended on the stadium in the hope of getting tickets; only 120,000 were successful, and the lucky ticket-holders were immediately set upon by desperate fans. What started as an undignified scuffle has degenerated into a full-blown armed conflict, and planetary stocks of Firearms are low. The band have been trapped in the stadium for two weeks, though I managed to interview lead singer Zak Skintight while he sat in his dressing room, sipping a pint of Bexian Brandy. When asked what he thought of the conflict, he replied 'It's a bit of a larf, innit'. Way to go, Zak.

In Rash crash causes splash at flash bash lash-up Zak crashes the Thrashmoible 5000 into a brewery on Karatikus driving up prices of lythia by 15%.

Rash crash causes splash at flash bash lash-up
Hack from hell Eno Barbus gives a report from the sharp end
Great reports from Rock emperor Zak Skintight's 'Piss-up in a Brewery' party at the Braufƒhrer ale plant on the planet of Karatikus. The result of a rash comment by a disillusioned groupie, it really has to be one of Zak's best bashes to date. One event slightly marred the celebrations, when Zak gave me an impromptu high-speed tour of the plant in his brand new Thrashmobile 5000. The 200kmh jaunt came to somewhat premature conclusion when Zak piled the 80,000 cred roadster into the brewery's main storage tank. The whole plant is now thoroughly flooded, and Lythia, a substance which absorbs water and carbon dioxide, is much in demand.

Zak himself is finally injured in Pack of Black Yaks attack Zak!. This is the first one that *isn't* 'much of a larf'. 20% increase in bood prices on Janus IV.

Pack of Black Yaks attack Zak!
Belinda Keel is there to offer comfort
Zak Skintight, lead singer of rock funsters The Buttock Men, was in hospital on Janus IV last night, suffering from blood poisoning. It seems that Zak, giddy on Sunflowers, managed to fall into the pen of the ferocious Hadeian Devil Yak at the Janus IV Zoo. 5 metres high at the shoulder, black as midnight and covered in highly poisonous bristles, eight of these fearsome beasts savaged Zak for a good twenty minutes before the star made his escape. Hundreds of fans assaulted the Yaks in revenge, only to suffer the same fate as their idol. Blood is urgently required, although Zak appears stable (for once, eh?). How do you feel, Zak? 'It wasn't much of a larf, mate'.

The last entry is The Zak is back!, which is... very gross. And it causes a 25% decrease in fresh water on Crius.

The Zak is back!
Impressionable groupie Andrew Bramley-Hill writes
It was the best of days and the worst of days on Crius yesterday, host to the All-System Dribbling Competition. Zak Skintight, legendary frontman of Rock superbeings The Buttock Men, regained the Spittle Crown after a three year absence due to touring and unconsciousness. Unfortunately, so many competitors entered that a huge 'pool of drool' has resulted, emitting a noisome stench. Once it has been processed there will be a considerable surplus of Fresh Water, although it will be recommended for agricultural use only. 'It's a bit of a larf, innit', said Zak when we asked him for comment.
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