Talk:First Battle of Kilrah - 2667: Difference between revisions

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Maybe it's time that I correct the flaws in this article. I realize it has a lot of reworking that needs to be done. Question: Should we change the title to "Raid of Kilrah" or something? I know this was officially classified as a raid rather than a battle. (Not much of a difference, but regardless, what sounds more appropriate?) -Aeronautico
Wedge you can start to edit this. I haven't read it completely over but I think the only additions I'm going to do to it is a few more images. --[[User:Dundradal|Dundradal]] 21:28, 3 September 2010 (CDT)


: I've been referencing this article as [[Raid on Kilrah]] in my edits. I don't know why it's titled like this. The thing in question is repeatedly and often referred to as the "Kilrah raid". - [[User:Bob McDob|Bob]] 10:39, 21 August 2010 (CDT)
An impressive effort on your part, certainly. It was a headache reviewing an article this long because when I checked links, I'd get into the habit of reviewing that article, check its links then review articles that it linked to, and so on, ad nauseum. (You might have gathered this from the Recent Changes page.) In the end, it took me several hours to go through this, it's way past midnight for me, I haven't had dinner, and I'm exhausted. ):


:: I concur. Will move in a few minutes unless anyone objects? - Wedge
I've outlined some of the changes here, in case you have questions about why I did certain things:


:: Done. - Wedge
'''Introduction'''
* I tried to avoid repeating the word 'strike'.
* Image: I'm just going by your principle of leaving out things 'unknown'.


'''Background: Confederation Situation'''
* Come on, Dund. I'm hoping you'd know the difference between 'then' and 'than' by now. (:
* Home Fleet was used a lot, and then you started to shift to Kilrathi Home Fleet. I think the latter is better to be clear about whom this 'home fleet' belongs to.


Per LOAF and my conversation on #wingnut. We were talking about the name of this inuniverse when we really couldn't find on specific name. We then started talking about a standard for un-named battles. That way every mission series in the games don't become "Battle of Tamayo" or "Battle of Torgo" and so on. --[[User:Dundradal|Dundradal]] 19:17, 21 August 2010 (CDT)
'''Orders'''
* A large quote like this looks nicer as a Block Quote HTML element, I think.


Here's our convo to get an understanding of what we were talking about...
'''Opposing Forces'''
* Synchronised this with the [[Strike Force Valkyrie]] article. Would be nice if there was a simple way to include sections from other pages.
* Something to keep in mind: Fralthra is spelled with two Rs. Just so you don't continue to repeat the mistake. (:


[19:51] <@LOAFB> Is it called that somewhere?<br>
'''The First Battle of Kilrah'''
[19:51] <+Dundradal> I don't think so<br>
* Making Repairs and Burying the Dead: I don't think you finished the sentence in the first paragraph, 'In a conversation between...'
[19:51] <+Dundradal> can start looking<br>
* Changing Tactics: Is the positioning of the quotes in the sub-heading deliberate? I don't quite understand it.
[19:52] <+Dundradal> FA Bear calls it "the raid to Kilrah"<br>
 
[19:53] <+Dundradal> later it's "After the raid on Kilrah the ship had been laid up for a year"<br>
'''The Return to Confederation Space'''
[19:53] <+Dundradal> but that's not exactly him calling it that<br>
* What does EVA stand for?
[19:53] <+Dundradal> if it should be called anything<br>
 
[19:53] <+Dundradal> I'd say<br>
The rest of the article was mostly prose, just minor rewording. The article is well written so I didn't have much to do here.
[19:53] <+Dundradal> Tarawa Raid<br>
 
[19:54] <+Dundradal> or<br>
For the Opposing Forces and Casualties section, I'm wondering if we can do something similar to [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Trafalgar Wikipedia], where it's combined into an info box and placed in the top-right corner of the article. It's a lot of work, I know, but might be something nice to aim for in the future. I also like the little crucifix indicators showing which commanders died during the battle. - Wedge
[19:54] <@LOAFB> First to Kilrah<br>
 
[19:54] <+Dundradal> Tarawa Raid on Kilrah<br>
 
[19:54] <+Dundradal> yeah I was thinking that<br>
I finished this at like 2 am so I'd expect there to be quite a few errors. I knew I had left a sentence hanging somewhere but said screw it and I'd find it today.
[19:54] <+Dundradal> but it might be confusing<br>
 
[19:55] <@LOAFB> That's true<br>
: And that's fine. I have the same problem myself, when I re-read things I've written at a later date. Shades and I did the same thing, when we reviewed each others' work on the dialogue scripts. - Wedge
[19:55] <+Dundradal> guess the name stands<br>
 
[19:55] <@LOAFB> Maybe there should be a set standard for un-named battles<br>
See above...2 am...I just wanted the damn thing done. I didn't even reread it so for all I know it could have first grade errors throughout the text. Easy on the lecturing. I'm well aware of the English language however when I write drafts I just let it flow then rework it later and since I know you're following behind me it makes it easy to forget to check.
[19:56] <+Dundradal> for things like game mission that happen in systems?<br>
 
[19:56] <+Dundradal> so that every single system doesn't become "Battle of Blackmane"<br>
: I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to sound like I was lecturing you. I thought the smiley there was enough to say I was teasing you...? ): - Wedge
[19:56] <+Dundradal> Battle of Ariel<br>
 
[19:56] <@LOAFB> Yeah<br>
Home Fleet is used a lot because it's the term used in ER, if it's clear that the paragraph is speaking of the Kilrathi there is no need to add it to Home Fleet to distinguish which is which.
[19:56] <+Dundradal> Battle of Freya<br>
 
[19:57] <@LOAFB> I could see it having the year, especially<br>
: Yes, it's clear in the main article text, but as a future article (since it obviously hasn't been written yet), I suggest we put Kilrathi in the title. Surely that's okay with you? - Wedge
[19:57] <+Dundradal> because I think that is a good idea<br>
 
[19:57] <@LOAFB> 2667_Raid_on_Kilrah<br>
The quotes are deliberate it's what Bondarevsky is thinking before maneuver. Also, since you do not own the novels you need to refrain from editing things related to them without clarification. I'm glad you asked here, please continue to do so.
[19:57] <+Dundradal> yeah<br>
 
[19:57] <+Dundradal> more like index entries<br>
: I have some, but not on hand. In this case, I work off the PDF that was on Chris Reid's Geocities site until Yahoo shut Geocities down. And I remember after the first time you told me off - I wasn't going to change anything here, anyway, just wasn't sure where the quote was from or what it meant. - Wedge
[19:57] <+Dundradal> instead of trying to make lofty names<br>
 
[19:57] <+Dundradal> "Ambush at Jugara"<br>
You really don't know what EVA stands for? Not going to lie that's a bit surprising since we are working on a space combat game....Extra Vehicular Activity. :p
[19:58] <+Dundradal> damn you Chris Blair<br>
 
[19:58] <+Dundradal> this would be easier without his Kilrah raid<br>
: I knew it was extra-vehicular something. I couldn't remember the 'A' part. - Wedge
[19:58] <+Dundradal> Kilrah Raid - Strike Force Valkyrie - 2667  <br> 
 
[19:59] <+Dundradal> Kilrah Raid - Temblor Bomb - 2669<br>
New infobox...yeah knock yourself out...I can tell you I'm staying away from those after the struggle I had to go through just to edit the Character one. You seem more technically capable than me in that sphere so see if you can make easier sense of it. If I try we are all screwed.
[19:59] <@LOAFB> Yes, but without that raid we'd be slaves in a Kilrathi mine.<br>
 
[19:59] <@LOAFB> I also wonder which thing they're considering the First Battle of Kilrah.<br>
: Too late. I'm already knocked out. Past 2 am and I still haven't eaten, taken a shower or relaxed as I wanted to this afternoon. (This is why I like to keep up with reviews instead of doing it in one big hit, but I understand you don't want your work disrupted.) At least I got the house-work done...
[19:59] <+Dundradal> true<br>
: I'll leave this as a nice-to-have-but-non-essential-feature for now. - Wedge
[20:00] <+Dundradal> huh?<br>
 
[20:00] <+Dundradal> you mean in relation to Confed or overall?<br>
I think we can say this article is complete except for maybe some minor details that might come up from the other novels (mostly FA or FC).
[20:00] <+Dundradal> in Kilrathi history?<br>
 
[20:00] <@LOAFB> From the WCSO fiction, cadets are told to rerun the 'Second Battle of Kilrah'<br>
: Agreed. Any further edits should be minor. - Wedge
[20:00] <@LOAFB> Which is apparently the WCP end series<br>
 
[20:01] <+Dundradal> I would have to say Tarawa<br>
One battle down just oh a few thousands engagements to go :p --[[User:Dundradal|Dundradal]] 10:49, 4 September 2010 (CDT)
[20:01] <+Dundradal> the tbomb isn't much of a battle...but I can see it being argued and recorded that way<br>
[20:02] <+Dundradal> do we know the date of the Tarawa raid?<br>
[20:02] <@LOAFB> There really isn't any substitute for experience. All you can do is practice on the simulator until you get your chance. For the next week, I'm told you will all put in thirty hours on the simulators re-flying the 'Second Battle of Kilrah'. I suggest that you use that time to explore the limits of the ship. I wish you good luck and hope to see you all on flight rosters throughout Confed soon.<br>
[20:03] <@LOAFB> I don't think we have an official specific day, but it can be calculated with some work.<br>

Latest revision as of 16:15, 4 September 2010

Wedge you can start to edit this. I haven't read it completely over but I think the only additions I'm going to do to it is a few more images. --Dundradal 21:28, 3 September 2010 (CDT)

An impressive effort on your part, certainly. It was a headache reviewing an article this long because when I checked links, I'd get into the habit of reviewing that article, check its links then review articles that it linked to, and so on, ad nauseum. (You might have gathered this from the Recent Changes page.) In the end, it took me several hours to go through this, it's way past midnight for me, I haven't had dinner, and I'm exhausted. ):

I've outlined some of the changes here, in case you have questions about why I did certain things:

Introduction

  • I tried to avoid repeating the word 'strike'.
  • Image: I'm just going by your principle of leaving out things 'unknown'.

Background: Confederation Situation

  • Come on, Dund. I'm hoping you'd know the difference between 'then' and 'than' by now. (:
  • Home Fleet was used a lot, and then you started to shift to Kilrathi Home Fleet. I think the latter is better to be clear about whom this 'home fleet' belongs to.

Orders

  • A large quote like this looks nicer as a Block Quote HTML element, I think.

Opposing Forces

  • Synchronised this with the Strike Force Valkyrie article. Would be nice if there was a simple way to include sections from other pages.
  • Something to keep in mind: Fralthra is spelled with two Rs. Just so you don't continue to repeat the mistake. (:

The First Battle of Kilrah

  • Making Repairs and Burying the Dead: I don't think you finished the sentence in the first paragraph, 'In a conversation between...'
  • Changing Tactics: Is the positioning of the quotes in the sub-heading deliberate? I don't quite understand it.

The Return to Confederation Space

  • What does EVA stand for?

The rest of the article was mostly prose, just minor rewording. The article is well written so I didn't have much to do here.

For the Opposing Forces and Casualties section, I'm wondering if we can do something similar to Wikipedia, where it's combined into an info box and placed in the top-right corner of the article. It's a lot of work, I know, but might be something nice to aim for in the future. I also like the little crucifix indicators showing which commanders died during the battle. - Wedge


I finished this at like 2 am so I'd expect there to be quite a few errors. I knew I had left a sentence hanging somewhere but said screw it and I'd find it today.

And that's fine. I have the same problem myself, when I re-read things I've written at a later date. Shades and I did the same thing, when we reviewed each others' work on the dialogue scripts. - Wedge

See above...2 am...I just wanted the damn thing done. I didn't even reread it so for all I know it could have first grade errors throughout the text. Easy on the lecturing. I'm well aware of the English language however when I write drafts I just let it flow then rework it later and since I know you're following behind me it makes it easy to forget to check.

I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to sound like I was lecturing you. I thought the smiley there was enough to say I was teasing you...? ): - Wedge

Home Fleet is used a lot because it's the term used in ER, if it's clear that the paragraph is speaking of the Kilrathi there is no need to add it to Home Fleet to distinguish which is which.

Yes, it's clear in the main article text, but as a future article (since it obviously hasn't been written yet), I suggest we put Kilrathi in the title. Surely that's okay with you? - Wedge

The quotes are deliberate it's what Bondarevsky is thinking before maneuver. Also, since you do not own the novels you need to refrain from editing things related to them without clarification. I'm glad you asked here, please continue to do so.

I have some, but not on hand. In this case, I work off the PDF that was on Chris Reid's Geocities site until Yahoo shut Geocities down. And I remember after the first time you told me off - I wasn't going to change anything here, anyway, just wasn't sure where the quote was from or what it meant. - Wedge

You really don't know what EVA stands for? Not going to lie that's a bit surprising since we are working on a space combat game....Extra Vehicular Activity. :p

I knew it was extra-vehicular something. I couldn't remember the 'A' part. - Wedge

New infobox...yeah knock yourself out...I can tell you I'm staying away from those after the struggle I had to go through just to edit the Character one. You seem more technically capable than me in that sphere so see if you can make easier sense of it. If I try we are all screwed.

Too late. I'm already knocked out. Past 2 am and I still haven't eaten, taken a shower or relaxed as I wanted to this afternoon. (This is why I like to keep up with reviews instead of doing it in one big hit, but I understand you don't want your work disrupted.) At least I got the house-work done...
I'll leave this as a nice-to-have-but-non-essential-feature for now. - Wedge

I think we can say this article is complete except for maybe some minor details that might come up from the other novels (mostly FA or FC).

Agreed. Any further edits should be minor. - Wedge

One battle down just oh a few thousands engagements to go :p --Dundradal 10:49, 4 September 2010 (CDT)