Talk:First Battle of Kilrah - 2667

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Revision as of 15:24, 4 September 2010 by Wedge009 (talk | contribs)
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Wedge you can start to edit this. I haven't read it completely over but I think the only additions I'm going to do to it is a few more images. --Dundradal 21:28, 3 September 2010 (CDT)

An impressive effort on your part, certainly. It was a headache reviewing an article this long because when I checked links, I'd get into the habit of reviewing that article, check its links then review articles that it linked to, and so on, ad nauseum. (You might have gathered this from the Recent Changes page.) In the end, it took me several hours to go through this, it's way past midnight for me, I haven't had dinner, and I'm exhausted. ):

I've outlined some of the changes here, in case you have questions about why I did certain things:

Introduction

  • I tried to avoid repeating the word 'strike'.
  • Image: I'm just going by your principle of leaving out things 'unknown'.

Background: Confederation Situation

  • Come on, Dund. I'm hoping you'd know the difference between 'then' and 'than' by now. (:
  • Home Fleet was used a lot, and then you started to shift to Kilrathi Home Fleet. I think the latter is better to be clear about whom this 'home fleet' belongs to.

Orders

  • A large quote like this looks nicer as a Block Quote HTML element, I think.

Opposing Forces

  • Synchronised this with the Strike Force Valkyrie article. Would be nice if there was a simple way to include sections from other pages.
  • Something to keep in mind: Fralthra is spelled with two Rs. Just so you don't continue to repeat the mistake. (:

The First Battle of Kilrah

  • Making Repairs and Burying the Dead: I don't think you finished the sentence in the first paragraph, 'In a conversation between...'
  • Changing Tactics: Is the positioning of the quotes in the sub-heading deliberate? I don't quite understand it.

The Return to Confederation Space

  • What does EVA stand for?

The rest of the article was mostly prose, just minor rewording. The article is well written so I didn't have much to do here.

For the Opposing Forces and Casualties section, I'm wondering if we can do something similar to Wikipedia, where it's combined into an info box and placed in the top-right corner of the article. It's a lot of work, I know, but might be something nice to aim for in the future. I also like the little crucifix indicators showing which commanders died during the battle. - Wedge

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